-Well this weekend was certainly-MATT IS BACK! WHAT? **** EVERY-PW IS BANNED? WHAT? I DEMAND TO BE BANNED TO. FORSAKE ME! BAN ME FOR USING RACIAL SLURS.
-It feels really nice not to have my stomach churning on Sunday at the thought of the Ravens going 3-4. But the good news is that Lardarius Webb is finally going to get some reps at cornerback. The bad news is that the entire fan base is calling for Lardarius Webb like he’s some kind of saviour.
-Congrats to the Houston Texans for saving my ass and delivering on what I called the lock of the century. (I wrote this when they were up 21-0, let me revise by saying, **** the Houston Texans)
-Texans are a really interesting team though. They’ve quietly put themselves in place to make a run for the playoffs.
-Why is everyone acting like Alex Smith is a stand-up citizen QB who deserves to succeed in this league? He created a schism in the 49ers locker room with Mike Nolan that pretty much led to his demise. Would Drew Brees, Tom Brady or Peyton Manning do that. Peyton for surely wouldn’t because he’s pretty much the head coach already.
-If I’m a coach with a swine flu infested team I dress one up and command that he go rub himself on the opposing team! SPIT IN THEIR MOUTHS IF YOU HAVE TO! Who cares if it’s dirty? I’m already being punished with swine flu-infested players.
-Jairus Byrd for ROY? All I’m trying to say is that defensive backs always get looked over for the MLB who makes the most tackles. I think the learning curve should always be taken into account.
-When Cedric Benson says, “the bears blackballed me,” does he mean, “the bears basically told the truth about what a terrible player I was.” C’mon, I highly doubt they needed to fabricate any material when it came to Cedric Benson.
-How come I haven’t seen a single analyst call out Matt Cassel? No one has anything to say about how he looks absolutely abysmal at times and it’s not entirely the offensive line’s fault?
- Anyone who thought that the New England Patriots were going to get booed over an event that took place over 235 years ago underestimated the bandwagon effect. Living in Canada, I can tell you that a large majority of NFL fans I see are wearing Patriot hats. 9/10 times when I press them, they’ll admit they don’t even know who the QB was before Brady
-An expansion team in London is a horrible idea. They would get the greatest home field advantage in the history of sports and they would have the greatest road disadvantage in the history of sports.
-Dallas continues to win despite the fact that Wade Phillips spends the entire game looking confused and constipated on the sidelines. How many times can you wince at a play per game?
-It sure was nice enough of Roger Goodell to let the refs from Ark-Florida officiate the Vikings-Steelers game since they had nothing better to do.
-Ladies and gentlemen, Jeff Dugan’s Wikipedia page: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeff_Dugan. I’d put the odds at 5:2 that it was written by either Jeff Dugan or an immediate family member of Jeff Dugan.
-Who’s terrible idea was it to take away a team’s timeout if the replay booth is malfunctioning? In case you didn’t know, this is what happened to the Saints today. It’s like, “Well we ****ed up on this one, butttt... you made us look bad so we’re taking away a timeout.”
-Am I the only one who thought it was awesome that Al Michaels basically used the Cardinals win over the Giants to remind the Cardinals’ fanbase that their franchise’s history is terrible? “Probably one of the best wins ever, which tells you how terrible this team has been. I MEAN JUST PURE AWFUL FOR THE LAST 50 YEARS. YOU CAN TAKE THIS WIN ARIZONA, THE REST OF US WILL JUST MAINTAIN OUR DIGNITY.”
-I also loved Chris Collinsworth's rant about how punches don't hurt the other player. I wouldn't be surprised if Chris caught up with Bradshaw after the game to show him his shiv that he had crafted in case Tiki Barber ever crosses him.
Terrible Fantasy Lineup That Beat Yours
QB: Alex Smith
RB: Shonne Greene
RB: Justin Fargas
WR: Sam Aiken
WR: Chris Henry
TE: Gary Barnridge
FLEX: Spencer Havner
DEF: San Diego Chargers
Two things ruined my viewing experience this week:
A) Every commercial break had one of the aliens from the show “V” told me all this repetitive stuff about how she was going to cure all of our diseases, show us the formula to turn urine into red bull, and give us the Colonel’s secret recipe. Why would I want to watch a show about the entire world’s problems being solved... unless, these visitors are not who they seem? So instead of watching a show about Utopia, I have to wait 20 episodes for the main character to discover that the visitors are here to do generic bad guy stuff.
B) The other was the voice of a deeply aroused man telling me that the Buffalo Bills are coming to Toronto. It’s going to be, “T.O. in TO.” No one calls Toronto, “TO.” It’s “Tor.” TO could be anywhere in the world.