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100% Guaranteed to infuriate Matt.
95% Chance to Infuriate Bears fans
50% Chance to piss off Ravens Fans
#1: Atlanta Falcons - Michael Oher (OT)
- Sam Baker will not survive as an LT in this league. They'll figure this out pretty fast, and draft Michael Oher, giving them an elite left side by kicking Sam Baker inside.
#2: Kansas City Chiefs - Cullen Harper (QB)
- Brodie Croyle will be fairly ineffective and will be injured at least once this season. The Chiefs cut their losses early with Cullen Harper. I think this is a bit early for him, but the Chiefs will be willing to reach at this point.
#3: Miami Dolphins - Michael Crabtree (WR)
- The Dolphins will probably have success on the ground until teams put 8 and 9 in the box. Unwilling to spend ANOTHER early pick on a QB, the Dolphins decide to improve their passing game a different way.
#4: Chicago Bears - Chris Wells (RB)
- Unable to fill a real need, the Bears spend another #4 overall pick on a running back. I don't think that Cedric Benson will be able to improve his game very much, and I don't know if Matt Forte can carry the load by himself.
#5: San Francisco 49'ers - Rey Maualuga (ILB)
- Want a scary thought? Imagine Maualuga and Patrick Willis on the same team. I thought you'd be scared too.
#6: Cincinatti Bengals - Greg Hardy (DE)
- Hardy should put up a ridiculous number of sacks again in 2008. This should catch the attention of the Bengals, who need as much help up front as they can get.
#7: Detroit Lions - Andre Smith (OT)
- My gut reaction says that this is Jon Kitna's last season as the starting QB. They need a real LT to protect Drew Stanton's blindside.
#8: St. Louis Rams - James Laurinaitis (ILB)
- The Rams desperately need linebackers, especially after Brandon Chillar walked. Laurinaitis on the same field as Chris Long? Wow.
#9: Oakland Raiders - Percy Harvin (WR)
- Raiders <3 speed. Harvin has plenty of it.
#10: New York Jets - Knowshon Moreno (RB)
- They failed to get Darren McFadden last season. But Thomas Jones is 32 and Leon Washington is nothing more than a change of pace back. Moreno might have an injury filled career, but he's an amazing talent.
#11: Baltimore Ravens - Malcolm Jenkins (CB)
- Fabian Washington didn't work out in Oakland. He was traded for a 4th round selection, so it's not like the Ravens invested all that much into him. Jenkins is an elite CB and is a great fit here. Samari Rolle and Chris McAllister need successors.
#12: Denver Broncos - Taylor Mays (SS)
- How old is John Lynch now? I know that he's a Free Safety, but once he leaves, they won't have much at either safety position.
#13: Philadelphia Eagles (From Carolina Panthers) - Brian Cushing (OLB)
- Philly fans, who's excited about going into 2008 with Stewart Bradley starting at SLB? Even if he turns out alright, Cushing is a stellar player with ridiculous versatility.
#14: Tennessee Titans - Vontae Davis (CB)
- We know damn well that the Titans won't go WR here. Vontae Davis can be the all-star CB that Pacman Jones was supposed to be when he was drafted. Let's hope that Davis won't get arrested 6 times.
#15: Washington Redskins - Tyson Jackson (SenDerrick Marks)
- The Redskins know their defensive line is aging. They know they need to get more pressure on the QB. Tyson Jackson will be a great fit here.
#16: Houston Texans - Myron Rolle (SS)
- The Texans can use help in the secondary, as CC Brown and Will Demps are both good, but not great safeties.
#17: Buffalo Bills - Alex Mack (C)
- One of the best center prospects in years, Alex Mack may not be around this late in round 2. We thought they could go after Mike Pollak this season, right?
#18: Philadelphia Eagles - Ciron Black (OT)
- The Eagles need to get quality linemen in there in a hurry. They spent several late round picks on offensive linemen in 2008, but Ciron Black should be able to step in at LT fairly easily when William Thomas retires.
#19: Arizona Cardinals - George Selvie (DE/OLB)
- Consider that Karlos Dansby, their primary rush linebacker, will be at the end his franchised contract in 2008. They may want insurance just in case...
#20: Minnesota Vikings - Sen'Derrick Marks (DT)
- I can't see Pat Williams playing at an all-pro level into the 2009 season. He'll be 36 entering then.
#21: Seattle Seahawks - Eugene Monroe (OT)
- The Seahawks need Hasselbeck's successor, but they can wait to take the replacement for Walter Jones here. Eugene Monroe is the reason why Branden Albert played guard. That says a hell of a lot there.
#22: Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Tim Tebow (QB)
- Matt McGuire's head will explode here, but this pick is entirely provisional on the notion that Tim Tebow is both capable and willing to play fullback and tight end. We all know Gruden loves QB's, and Tebow has both prestige and versatility. If not, the Bucs would likely grab DJ Moore to land a stud corner across from Aqib Talib, or reach for Brandon LaFell. I think Dexter Jackson fits the speed burner that they wanted to succeed Joey Galloway, so Maclin/Heyward-Bey are out.
#23: Pittsburgh Steelers - Duke Robinson (OG)
- Duke Robinson is the best interior lineman on the board. The Steelers will have a terrifyingly poor offensive line in 2008.
#24: Cleveland Browns - DJ Moore (CB)
- One of the few things the Browns failed to do was to secure a replacement for Leigh Bodden. DJ Moore is that man.
#25: Green Bay Packers - Phil Loadholt (OT)
- Green Bay's current tackles will be around or past the age of regression starting the 2009 season. Lacking any real needs, they can afford to take a tackle here.
#26: New Orleans Saints - William Moore (SS/FS)
- The New Orleans Saints need upgrades at Strong Safety like Cedric Benson needed his mommy when he was arrested. I'm not kidding. He was apparently crying for his mom while he was being beaten.
#27: Dallas Cowboys - Alex Boone (OT)
- Flozell Adams is positively ancient, and should not be playing into 2009. He'll definitely be gone in 2010, where Boone can start after learning from one of the best for a year.
#28: Jacksonville Jaguars - Jeremy Maclin (WR)
- The Jaguars have to be insane to think that Troy Williamson is the speed WR they've been looking for. Despite all their first round busts at WR, the Jags will go for Jeremy Maclin, who has insane speed.
#29: Indianapolis Colts - Marcus Freeman (OLB)
- They drafted Phillip Wheeler, but they could still use more talent at LB, as they've lost several players to FA over the last few seasons.
#30: New England Patriots - CJ Spiller (RB)
- Sammy Morris will be 32. So will Kevin Faulk. They need another guy to complement Laurence Maroney in the ground game.
#31: San Diego Chargers - Al Woods (NT)
- We all know what happens when Jamal Williams is hurt. Just ask Adrian Peterson. Al Woods provides security for the aging nose tackle.
#32: New York Giants - Darius Hill (TE)
- It's hard to find a true need with the Giants, honestly. Strahan's gone, but I think Tuck will take his old spot. Kiwanuka will probably stay at SLB. If Kehl can't play WLB, they could look at Marcus Freeman or Anthony Heygood. However, I suspect that Jeremy Shockey will be out by this point, or just about certain to it. Darius Hill seems to be a bigger Dustin Keller, as he's been incredibly productive so far in college.
95% Chance to Infuriate Bears fans
50% Chance to piss off Ravens Fans
#1: Atlanta Falcons - Michael Oher (OT)
- Sam Baker will not survive as an LT in this league. They'll figure this out pretty fast, and draft Michael Oher, giving them an elite left side by kicking Sam Baker inside.
#2: Kansas City Chiefs - Cullen Harper (QB)
- Brodie Croyle will be fairly ineffective and will be injured at least once this season. The Chiefs cut their losses early with Cullen Harper. I think this is a bit early for him, but the Chiefs will be willing to reach at this point.
#3: Miami Dolphins - Michael Crabtree (WR)
- The Dolphins will probably have success on the ground until teams put 8 and 9 in the box. Unwilling to spend ANOTHER early pick on a QB, the Dolphins decide to improve their passing game a different way.
#4: Chicago Bears - Chris Wells (RB)
- Unable to fill a real need, the Bears spend another #4 overall pick on a running back. I don't think that Cedric Benson will be able to improve his game very much, and I don't know if Matt Forte can carry the load by himself.
#5: San Francisco 49'ers - Rey Maualuga (ILB)
- Want a scary thought? Imagine Maualuga and Patrick Willis on the same team. I thought you'd be scared too.
#6: Cincinatti Bengals - Greg Hardy (DE)
- Hardy should put up a ridiculous number of sacks again in 2008. This should catch the attention of the Bengals, who need as much help up front as they can get.
#7: Detroit Lions - Andre Smith (OT)
- My gut reaction says that this is Jon Kitna's last season as the starting QB. They need a real LT to protect Drew Stanton's blindside.
#8: St. Louis Rams - James Laurinaitis (ILB)
- The Rams desperately need linebackers, especially after Brandon Chillar walked. Laurinaitis on the same field as Chris Long? Wow.
#9: Oakland Raiders - Percy Harvin (WR)
- Raiders <3 speed. Harvin has plenty of it.
#10: New York Jets - Knowshon Moreno (RB)
- They failed to get Darren McFadden last season. But Thomas Jones is 32 and Leon Washington is nothing more than a change of pace back. Moreno might have an injury filled career, but he's an amazing talent.
#11: Baltimore Ravens - Malcolm Jenkins (CB)
- Fabian Washington didn't work out in Oakland. He was traded for a 4th round selection, so it's not like the Ravens invested all that much into him. Jenkins is an elite CB and is a great fit here. Samari Rolle and Chris McAllister need successors.
#12: Denver Broncos - Taylor Mays (SS)
- How old is John Lynch now? I know that he's a Free Safety, but once he leaves, they won't have much at either safety position.
#13: Philadelphia Eagles (From Carolina Panthers) - Brian Cushing (OLB)
- Philly fans, who's excited about going into 2008 with Stewart Bradley starting at SLB? Even if he turns out alright, Cushing is a stellar player with ridiculous versatility.
#14: Tennessee Titans - Vontae Davis (CB)
- We know damn well that the Titans won't go WR here. Vontae Davis can be the all-star CB that Pacman Jones was supposed to be when he was drafted. Let's hope that Davis won't get arrested 6 times.
#15: Washington Redskins - Tyson Jackson (SenDerrick Marks)
- The Redskins know their defensive line is aging. They know they need to get more pressure on the QB. Tyson Jackson will be a great fit here.
#16: Houston Texans - Myron Rolle (SS)
- The Texans can use help in the secondary, as CC Brown and Will Demps are both good, but not great safeties.
#17: Buffalo Bills - Alex Mack (C)
- One of the best center prospects in years, Alex Mack may not be around this late in round 2. We thought they could go after Mike Pollak this season, right?
#18: Philadelphia Eagles - Ciron Black (OT)
- The Eagles need to get quality linemen in there in a hurry. They spent several late round picks on offensive linemen in 2008, but Ciron Black should be able to step in at LT fairly easily when William Thomas retires.
#19: Arizona Cardinals - George Selvie (DE/OLB)
- Consider that Karlos Dansby, their primary rush linebacker, will be at the end his franchised contract in 2008. They may want insurance just in case...
#20: Minnesota Vikings - Sen'Derrick Marks (DT)
- I can't see Pat Williams playing at an all-pro level into the 2009 season. He'll be 36 entering then.
#21: Seattle Seahawks - Eugene Monroe (OT)
- The Seahawks need Hasselbeck's successor, but they can wait to take the replacement for Walter Jones here. Eugene Monroe is the reason why Branden Albert played guard. That says a hell of a lot there.
#22: Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Tim Tebow (QB)
- Matt McGuire's head will explode here, but this pick is entirely provisional on the notion that Tim Tebow is both capable and willing to play fullback and tight end. We all know Gruden loves QB's, and Tebow has both prestige and versatility. If not, the Bucs would likely grab DJ Moore to land a stud corner across from Aqib Talib, or reach for Brandon LaFell. I think Dexter Jackson fits the speed burner that they wanted to succeed Joey Galloway, so Maclin/Heyward-Bey are out.
#23: Pittsburgh Steelers - Duke Robinson (OG)
- Duke Robinson is the best interior lineman on the board. The Steelers will have a terrifyingly poor offensive line in 2008.
#24: Cleveland Browns - DJ Moore (CB)
- One of the few things the Browns failed to do was to secure a replacement for Leigh Bodden. DJ Moore is that man.
#25: Green Bay Packers - Phil Loadholt (OT)
- Green Bay's current tackles will be around or past the age of regression starting the 2009 season. Lacking any real needs, they can afford to take a tackle here.
#26: New Orleans Saints - William Moore (SS/FS)
- The New Orleans Saints need upgrades at Strong Safety like Cedric Benson needed his mommy when he was arrested. I'm not kidding. He was apparently crying for his mom while he was being beaten.
#27: Dallas Cowboys - Alex Boone (OT)
- Flozell Adams is positively ancient, and should not be playing into 2009. He'll definitely be gone in 2010, where Boone can start after learning from one of the best for a year.
#28: Jacksonville Jaguars - Jeremy Maclin (WR)
- The Jaguars have to be insane to think that Troy Williamson is the speed WR they've been looking for. Despite all their first round busts at WR, the Jags will go for Jeremy Maclin, who has insane speed.
#29: Indianapolis Colts - Marcus Freeman (OLB)
- They drafted Phillip Wheeler, but they could still use more talent at LB, as they've lost several players to FA over the last few seasons.
#30: New England Patriots - CJ Spiller (RB)
- Sammy Morris will be 32. So will Kevin Faulk. They need another guy to complement Laurence Maroney in the ground game.
#31: San Diego Chargers - Al Woods (NT)
- We all know what happens when Jamal Williams is hurt. Just ask Adrian Peterson. Al Woods provides security for the aging nose tackle.
#32: New York Giants - Darius Hill (TE)
- It's hard to find a true need with the Giants, honestly. Strahan's gone, but I think Tuck will take his old spot. Kiwanuka will probably stay at SLB. If Kehl can't play WLB, they could look at Marcus Freeman or Anthony Heygood. However, I suspect that Jeremy Shockey will be out by this point, or just about certain to it. Darius Hill seems to be a bigger Dustin Keller, as he's been incredibly productive so far in college.
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