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  • Britain is Repossessing the U.S.A.

    Britain is Repossessing the U.S.A.

    A Message from John Cleese

    To the citizens of the United States of America:

    In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for
    President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
    notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

    Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
    duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas
    , which she does not fancy).

    Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for
    America without the need for further elections.

    Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

    A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any
    of you noticed.

    To aid in the transition to a British Crown Colony, the following
    rules are introduced with immediate effect:

    You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

    1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will
    be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

    2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and
    'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without
    skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the
    suffix -ise.

    Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable
    levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

    3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises
    such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form
    of communication.

    There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on
    your behalf. The Microsoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take
    account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You
    will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.

    4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

    5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
    lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
    therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.

    Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to
    sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then
    you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

    6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
    more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if
    you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

    7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for
    your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what
    we mean.

    8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
    start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you
    will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of
    conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you
    understand the British sense of humour.

    9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
    calling gasoline)-roughly $10 per US gallon. Get used to it.

    10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French
    fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling
    potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut,
    fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

    11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not
    actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be
    referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted
    provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also
    acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on
    earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of
    British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.

    12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
    good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to
    play English characters. Watching Andie McDowell attempt English
    dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to
    having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

    13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind
    of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough
    will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities
    to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every
    twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of
    nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash
    you, like they regularly thrash us.

    14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
    host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played
    outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a
    world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will
    learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to
    take the sting out of their deliveries.

    15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

    16. An official from Her Majesty's Inland Revenue (i.e. tax collector)
    will be with you shortly to ensure the collection of all monies due
    (backdated to 1776). Until these are paid, there will be no
    representative government in the USA, in line with the policy: "No
    representation without taxation".

    17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups and
    saucers (never mugs), and with high quality biscuits (cookies) and
    cakes; strawberries in season.

    18. Some tea has gone missing, and we expect it back. We'll be
    searching Boston first.

    God Save the Queen.

    She should be saved, and only He can.

    John Cleese

    ---------------------------------------
    Personally, I disagree with 13, otherwise it sounds good to me...
    Forgive me I'm Swedish!

  • #2
    Do you pay $10 dollars per gallon of gasoline in Sweden?

    Comment


    • #3
      F*** 13 and f*** all of you britans. You people are so lame. Tea time and "God Save the Queen", come on.

      Comment


      • #4
        1) American's spell it "aluminum". Different word. We say "aluminum" correctly.

        2) That "u" is BS. Why make words longer? Donut.

        3) Agreed

        4) F U Brits

        5) Can still kick you're asses in a fight. Either physical or legal.

        6) Interesting..

        7) Too bad good German cars cost a lot

        8) Roundabouts are stupid, and metric system well maybe one day we go to it

        9) F gas prices. We should drill more in Alaska

        10) "Real chips are thick cut,
        fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar."
        Gross! No wonder your teeth are nasty

        11) Lol I tried Tetley's last week it was one of the worst things I ever drank. I would rather drink the piss of an elephant than drink that again.

        12) Help I can't think of a British actor/actress (seriously)

        13) 3 words: London Silly Nannies

        14) Cricket?! F you

        15) We've been in the same predicament for years

        16) The tax collectors will get a shotgun to their backs esp in the south

        17) Nope 4 is slack off time. Nothing productive is ever done. Then again eating crumpets and drinking tea isn't productive

        18) I heard the Red Sox players have it all. You should throw them in the ocean.

        God Save the Queen isn't that great of a song sorry.
        WalterFootball.com Forum Moderator




        Siena NFL ATS Record(TBD)
        Down LOSING Units Through Week 16

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by animal52 View Post
          Do you pay $10 dollars per gallon of gasoline in Sweden?
          Not sure how much a gallon is, but we are paying roughly $2 per liter in Sweden with current currencies.

          Some research has shown that John Cleese wasn├Ąt the writer of this, but that it was in fact on the net for a few years before Cleese's name got attatched to it.
          Forgive me I'm Swedish!

          Comment


          • #6
            i had fish and chips in australia once. WOW!! man they were good.

            Comment


            • #7
              I had them in the US, and they were good.

              Comment


              • #8
                Lol at the JFK thing and a HUGE LOL at VBSiena's 13

                Comment


                • #9
                  In response to number 1...

                  Please look up "dentist". One would think that the average citizen in a nation as civilized as England would have better teeth than the average Zulu tribesman living in tent in the Australian Outback!

                  Last edited by ZN0rseman; 03-19-2008, 10:31 AM.
                  sigpic
                  WFB Comments on Vikings @ Steelers Game Rigging
                  PuppyPuncher:"It sure was nice enough of Roger Goodell to let the refs from Ark-Florida officiate the Vikings-Steelers game"
                  NoNonsenseCoach:"As a Steelers fan living in Pittsburgh I can still admit that tripping penalty was a complete ghost call."
                  Simonds:"The tripping call was awful, yes, but there were a number of other absurd calls that went against the Vikings, including a DEFENSIVE delay of game penalty against the Vikings only called after a failed attempt to convert a third and 2 by the Steelers. Even the commentators were utterly floored that the refs made that call."
                  Wraith36444:"A shady tripping call on Minnesota essentially gave the game to the Steelers. The Vikings were the better team, but it is too hard to beat a decent team and the refs. Oh and Harvin is the man."
                  MaineMan:"I have to agree that it was an awful call and that it changed the outcome. Overall a great game by the Vikes and tragic that the well-deserved victory was stolen away like that."
                  PaddyPatriot:"I've seen this play and I have to agree, I can't believe they called it tripping"
                  Johndoe:"You know the officiating is bad when a Steeler's fan, like myself, thinks it was pretty bad."
                  Steelers_Pens_Fan:"I will admit that the whole "tripping" thing probably shouldn't have been a flag."
                  ZN0rseman:"It's great to know that good old fashioned pro football game rigging is still alive and well in America."
                  Klunker18:"I'm with Z on this one. Definitely one of those games that makes you wonder if the NFL wants certain teams to win."
                  TRICKaz"I agree that was a BS call"
                  InjuredReserve:"Have yet to hear anyone say it was the right call. Seems as if the Vikings were cheated a bit."
                  Eagles4Life:"Coaches just need to be able to challenge penalties"
                  EL_Guapo:"The tripping call was bad, the delay of game was stupid Either way, the Vikings showed they are a top team."
                  EllijayFalconsFan:"The tripping penalty was rediculous."
                  Archon095:"Even as a Steeler fan I agree that the call was bull."
                  BroncosCon:"I'm sorry that was a total bull**** call and it changed the outcome of the game. Pittsburgh still won, but it was almost like Denver winning at Cincy."

                  Tony Dungy:"The Vikings are just one bad tripping penalty away from being undefeated.
                  Jon Gruden:"That was just a bad, bad call. It cost the Vikings an important win at Pittsburgh, and it could really hurt them in the post season."

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    My guess: You won't find any zulu tribesmen in Australia...
                    Forgive me I'm Swedish!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Leo Fender View Post
                      My guess: You won't find any zulu tribesmen in Australia...
                      My bad. South Africa. Still I thought the point was pretty funny. heh
                      sigpic
                      WFB Comments on Vikings @ Steelers Game Rigging
                      PuppyPuncher:"It sure was nice enough of Roger Goodell to let the refs from Ark-Florida officiate the Vikings-Steelers game"
                      NoNonsenseCoach:"As a Steelers fan living in Pittsburgh I can still admit that tripping penalty was a complete ghost call."
                      Simonds:"The tripping call was awful, yes, but there were a number of other absurd calls that went against the Vikings, including a DEFENSIVE delay of game penalty against the Vikings only called after a failed attempt to convert a third and 2 by the Steelers. Even the commentators were utterly floored that the refs made that call."
                      Wraith36444:"A shady tripping call on Minnesota essentially gave the game to the Steelers. The Vikings were the better team, but it is too hard to beat a decent team and the refs. Oh and Harvin is the man."
                      MaineMan:"I have to agree that it was an awful call and that it changed the outcome. Overall a great game by the Vikes and tragic that the well-deserved victory was stolen away like that."
                      PaddyPatriot:"I've seen this play and I have to agree, I can't believe they called it tripping"
                      Johndoe:"You know the officiating is bad when a Steeler's fan, like myself, thinks it was pretty bad."
                      Steelers_Pens_Fan:"I will admit that the whole "tripping" thing probably shouldn't have been a flag."
                      ZN0rseman:"It's great to know that good old fashioned pro football game rigging is still alive and well in America."
                      Klunker18:"I'm with Z on this one. Definitely one of those games that makes you wonder if the NFL wants certain teams to win."
                      TRICKaz"I agree that was a BS call"
                      InjuredReserve:"Have yet to hear anyone say it was the right call. Seems as if the Vikings were cheated a bit."
                      Eagles4Life:"Coaches just need to be able to challenge penalties"
                      EL_Guapo:"The tripping call was bad, the delay of game was stupid Either way, the Vikings showed they are a top team."
                      EllijayFalconsFan:"The tripping penalty was rediculous."
                      Archon095:"Even as a Steeler fan I agree that the call was bull."
                      BroncosCon:"I'm sorry that was a total bull**** call and it changed the outcome of the game. Pittsburgh still won, but it was almost like Denver winning at Cincy."

                      Tony Dungy:"The Vikings are just one bad tripping penalty away from being undefeated.
                      Jon Gruden:"That was just a bad, bad call. It cost the Vikings an important win at Pittsburgh, and it could really hurt them in the post season."

                      Comment

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