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Dick Masterson for President

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  • Dick Masterson for President

    Man I love this guy! He wrote a book Men Are better than Women and from the snippets I have read online it looks amazingly hilairious. I know Walter agrees with #2

    Here is one piece:

    10. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome

    I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues. That’s why women cannot shut their ****ing mouths for ten seconds while adults are speaking around them. Their tongues are battling around in their mouths like drunken Vipers.

    9. Men are not sponges

    Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires. Women walk into a situation and before you know it they’ve completely changed their wardrobe and mannerisms as if they’ve joined a ****ing cult. Men are not sheep. Everyone knows the word for a female sheep is ewe, but what about the male word? There isn’t one because sheep is something men are not.

    8. Women are racists

    Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred. Do they hate their boyfriends? Do they hate their wardrobe? Do they hate each other? Yes, yes and **** definitely. Men don’t go in for that silly sort of nonsense. If we’re dissatisfied, we pick up and move out. Or we take our mighty man muscles and lift ****ing mountains so the world looks exactly the way we want it to. Men do more world changing before 9:00 AM than any woman ever has done in her whole life.

    7. Men live less than women

    The last thing a society needs is a bunch of non-contributing members laying around and sucking all the juice from the young. Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of ****. Congratulations women. You really earned those rights!

    6. Men write illegibly

    Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a **** about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and **** so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.

    5. Jesus was a man

    Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of ****. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.

    4. Men wear watches

    Do you know why men wear watches? It’s because there’s a limited amount of time in the day and men need to know how much of it there is so they can efficiently allocate their man ass kicking for the day. Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.

    A watch says, ‘Get up and go! Move your man ass and take care of your ****ing man business!’ That’s why 60 minutes uses a ticking watch for its theme song. ‘Important **** is going down and we’re about to talk about it in a ****ing fastidious manner, so get the **** ready,’ says a ticking watch. A bracelet says, ‘You’re most likely ugly, but look at how much money you’re worth!’ What a joke.

    3. Boys destroy things

    The only thing that has ever lifted our species out of the trees where we came from is our ability to destroy. Take paper: the cornerstone of the modern world. That was invented because man wanted to destroy trees and beat them into pulp. How about nuclear power? Men invented that too. Men are natural destructors. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!

    2. Marriage is stupid

    Marriage is 100% the fault of women. It was invented by men though! Did you know that? Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to **** the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day. Men invented marriage as a way of telling women who they could and couldn’t ****. Like everything else men have ever invented, it completely worked and worked way better than any man thought it would. Women became so indoctrinated by the man-invention of marriage that they’re ****ing obsessed with it.

    Marriage is still stupid. It’s a stupid game invented to entertain stupid minds and to teach basic lessons of fidelity that even invertebrates are born with.

    1. Men have *****es

    When it comes to being a man, being quick at identifying problems is tantamount to fixing them. In fact it’s tantamount-ier. Having a ***** — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t **** up whatever it is that you’re trying to do. If you need some help, maybe ask me and I’ll see if I can lend a man-hand. It’s the least I could do to be ****ing courteous.’
    2014-2015 Kentucky Wildcats (38-1)

    Congrats to Wisconsin. Even more congrats to UK haters.


  • #2
    I believe that marriage originated way before humans had the ability to imagine what a bon-bon is. This doesn't mean much in my case, because I still don't know what a bon-bon is and I'm 19.

    Anyway, it started when homo habilis or so saw another attractive ape-human and wanted her as his mate. So he knocked her out, took her to his cave, and raped her a few times. If she tried to run, BAM. Hit her with the club. Eventually, she gave up.

    Actually... that's still kinda how it is...
    - Also known as Dan.
    - Also known as the footballclod, where I do my own fantasy football and other football related stuff. -> www.footballclod.wordpress.com

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    • #3
      lol hiliairous masterson totally OWNS this woman at the end of this Dr. Phil segment. Classic!!!

      http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fu...deoid=24376969
      2014-2015 Kentucky Wildcats (38-1)

      Congrats to Wisconsin. Even more congrats to UK haters.

      Comment


      • #4
        Yeah. I don't think that he wrote it as a comedic piece, unless he's pulling a Borat-type thing where he totally immerses himself in the character. I think he really does hate women.
        - Also known as Dan.
        - Also known as the footballclod, where I do my own fantasy football and other football related stuff. -> www.footballclod.wordpress.com

        Comment


        • #5
          No he is definately doing it to be a business man, but he is selling first and foremost entertainment, and his act is a part of that entertainment.

          But you can't deny he makes a lot of great points. I agree with him more than I disagree with him lol.
          2014-2015 Kentucky Wildcats (38-1)

          Congrats to Wisconsin. Even more congrats to UK haters.

          Comment


          • #6
            My biggest issue with his analysis is that women live longer than men because men have to deal with women. He doesn't mention that.
            - Also known as Dan.
            - Also known as the footballclod, where I do my own fantasy football and other football related stuff. -> www.footballclod.wordpress.com

            Comment

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